Mustering up the Confidence ~ Vida Bonita

I'm sitting in a Lubbock coffee shop. I'm really excited today because they change out the flavors of coffee every day and today- today my friends is Costa Rica day. I love Costa Rican coffee. If it weren't for Costa Rican coffee I never would have developed a taste for coffee. Well, I say that, but I developed a taste for coffee before I started grad school... so who's to say that the attraction wouldn't have manifested itself inevitably. Anyway, what I am getting at is the fact that it's Costa Rica day on the morning that I desperately need to finish up a paper for class tonight feels like a good omen. I even look a little cute today because it's my dear friend Siva's birthday and we are going to grab a drink after class. I thought I'd put in a little more effort than sweat pants. Although I'm so tired from the last 3 weeks of work in Lubbock (that's how long it's been since I've been home!) I'm amazed that I'm finding the energy to write this post. Must be the awesome coffee.

Shanna, what on earth does this have to do with confidence? I'm getting to it!
So it's a little crowded in here. It's a good spot for studying. I find a bench but there's no outlet for my laptop and I am going to be here for a while. It's a really long bench so multiple tables can sit at it. There's a guy at the end of the bench with an outlet. He also has his phone plugged in, using both outlets. I ask myself, if things get critical on the laptop battery, I bet he is nice enough to unplug his phone so I can continue my work. People from West Texas are generally pretty friendly so this could work out. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I'm listening to my Pandora David Gray station (highly recommended for studying) putting together my notes for my paper. I hear a "Ma'am?" .I find being called Ma'am unnerving, but I also find it charming because I understand the intention behind it. I take out my ear buds. "Ma'am, I am about to leave, so if you would like to move over here so you can plug in your computer, I'll clean up my stuff and get out of your way."

On the surface, this isn't really a riveting story. But when you think about it, a complete stranger saw that I might have a need and mustered up the confidence to interrupt my work so he could help me out. It's entirely possible that I could have said no because I have some insane battery power. I could have been a rude and condescending female who made him feel bad for attempting to talk to me (because we all know there's females out there like that). There's several reasons why people don't reach out to others- most likely due to diminished confidence from a previous bad experience. I looked up, smiled, and graciously accepted his offer. I told him I was appreciative because I am going to be here for a long time. I told him that I hoped that he had a nice day.

I guess part of what concerns me and inspires me to write is that this man that I will likely never see again made an impact on me by simply offering up his table. Because this behavior is not the norm we expect out of strangers in public places.

I have, on a number of occasions been accused of having a lot of confidence. I don't like to give away my secrets, but I need to set the record straight. I am certain that I have just as many inhibitions as the next person. I may not have a social anxiety condition like I know some people truly do suffer from, and I can't imagine living in that hell. But rest assured, my pulse raises before I give a presentation, especially when I know that I'm not prepared and I know that I have to convince the audience that I have a clue about what I am talking about. But just like for everyone else, there's that moment of hesitation when something unknown is going to occur. I can't tell you how often "here goes nothin'" goes through my head as I approach a situation.

Recently, I had to deal with an extremely difficult situation which required me to confront someone. I didn't want to do it at all. It was the right thing to do. Right up until the moment, I almost walked away. With sweaty palms and a deep breathe, I prayed that the Lord would give me strength, wisdom, and the ability to calm down. He did as He always does, but it was tough!

So as my readers, lets have a take away point. Here's some ways that I suggest that we are muster up some confidence and at least attempt to make this world a better place.

- If someone does a good job, especially if they're working in service, tell them. Tell them you appreciate their hard work and dedication to customer service. Tell them that you've observed that all too often people don't appreciate their jobs and it's refreshing to see someone who takes so much pride in their work.
A few weeks ago I went to a Lubbock grocery store and they have their employees take your bags out to your car. This always makes me feel bad because I'm perfectly capable of taking out my own items and I just picture some poor little old lady having to take her own stuff while this kid is carrying out my single bag. When you tell the employees this, they get very awkward and they look around like their job is on the line. I guess the company hires enough people to do this task and the little old ladies aren't getting left out, so I just let them now. Well I was making small talk with the employee as we walked around trying to figure out where on earth I had parked. He assured me that it happened all the time and that he was happy to help me. He said it was his job to make the customer's shopping experience better. I felt like I was on an episode of the Andy Griffith show. I was so impressed by this kid who had told me he was in high school. It was a new store so I had a hard time finding the phone number online, but I wasn't leaving the parking lot until I had called the manager. I finally got a hold of her and told her what happened. I told her that he deserved any accolades that the company could provide to him for doing such an outstanding job. She assured me that they would take good care of him. That employee will never know that I specifically called on his behalf, but he will know that impacted someone with his dedication to service and it's likely that he'll be encouraged to continue to do good work.

- For the love of all that is good, hold the door open for people. Even if you have to wait a little bit.
Furthermore, say "thank you" when people hold the door for you. Especially you ladies! No one owes you anything. Holding the door open is an expression of politeness and kindness, so respond accordingly. And while you're at it, stay off your phone while your walking. You're not so important that your text message either 1) can't wait or 2) you can't stop and devote your attention. You're going to get hit by a bike and quite honestly you're going to deserve it.

-Tell people when they look nice.
It doesn't have to be a big song and dance. But if someone looks nice, they probably didn't fall out of bed that way. They intended to, and a kind word never hurt anyone. Their looking nice doesn't make you look less nice. But your saying they look nice does make you a nicer person.

-Have the confidence to tell people that you love them
You don't have to get all weird and emotional on people but let people know every once in a while that they are important to you and you are there for them. We get so busy that we (or at least I do) forget that people are doing more than going to work and having fun. Everyone is dealing with personal stuff at some level or another. Even take it another step and give people a hug. We could all use a good hug. I know I could right now.

-Buy someone's lunch/drink/ or bring something to the office
We gotta work on our generosity. You can really make an impact on someone's day for $10. Just grab the tab. And if you find yourself saying you can't afford to- I'm calling BS. If you can afford to eat out and do all the nonsense you inevitably do, you can do something nice for others. But don't do it because I say so, do it because you want to. Do it because making someone feel special doesn't have a dollar amount associated with it, and the actual cost is minuscule when you think about how few moments we get in this life.

-And a final note on confidence. Stop giving what people think of you a second thought.
First, don't be so narcissistic to think that people spend much time thinking about you at all. Aint nobody got time for that. The only time you should worry about what people think of you is when you screwed up and treated them badly. Then you need to muster up the confidence to make amends. Which may be the most difficult thing to have confidence about. I hate apologizing. Oh I hate it. If I have ever apologized to you, you need to feel like a really special individual. I HATE IT. Laying down my pride to say I screwed up is really hard. But you have to take that deep breathe and realize that people are more important that your pride. And trust me, if I have ever apologized, I genuinely mean it (there are few things in this world that I hate more than a disingenuous apology). So I guess this one is a two-parter. Have the confidence to not care what people think, because if they think badly of you it's most likely their problem. Unless you screwed up, then have the confidence to apologize.

I gotsta get back to this paper, but man that feels good to get off my chest!