Shanna the Grouch

For about the last month I have been really grouchy. If you know me personally the things I might complain about or comment on are really the extent of my feelings on issues. I don't have stuff all bottled up inside. So all in all, I'm actually a really happy and upbeat person. If I am grouchy for a while I notice and I even pray about it. I realize I am having a bad attitude and I want to be better. This was my Facebook post today:

This is mostly just funny but I totally will defriend people who do these things. A real friendship is not the same thing as a Facebook friendship and I feel that our real friendship will be better off if I don't see you post nonsense that falls into the categories above. But gosh Facebook rants aren't much better. If 15 people would have defriended me today for going on a Facebook rant I totally would have been on their side. Trying to fix the internet is silly, but gosh it made me feel better to get it off my chest.
I really should just not get on Facebook ever because I usually exit the app asking myself, "Why did I do that??" But something tells me that you were led to this post through Facebook.... so there are some upsides.

I am grouchy about a lot of things lately. I want to say it's hormones but it's such a cop-out to blame your actions/feelings on hormones. I want to own my feelings and my feelings are that I am mad at like nearly everyone. There's a situation I am currently dealing with where I just cannot effectively communicate with another person and I just feel like crud about it even though I honestly think it's totally their fault and Matt is on my side about it (or at least he's smart enough to say so).

Stuff with work is frustrating me. Right now I don't fall into the category of "people who think their job is so much more important/difficult than everyone else's" because right now my job is pretty easy and the only problem I have is people making it harder than it needs to be (note: I consider my dissertation to be part of my job because it's a requisite of my employment as a TA).

I am grouchy about my body. Things are changing so much and I am insanely grateful for this opportunity, no honor, to carry a baby. I can't help but be bummed that things are moving and growing out of my control...and those fools that say stuff like I do have control and this is my fault.. they make me grouchy too. And sleeping isn't very comfortable and I am terrified to sleep on my back because my yoga instructor framed it like the baby wouldn't get what she needs if I rest on my back and I forgot to ask my doctor about it. My doctor who has an Ivy-League education and 15 years of experience is the only person I listen to at all when it comes to pregnancy advice. That's my minimum requirement. And my mom because we are genetically connected. Everyone else I just politely listen to and forget about. One grouchy antidote is at the end of the day when I can feel her kicking.

I am getting really tired again and there's so much to do and that makes me grouchy. Hey Shanna why don't you get off the internet if you have so much to do?? I mean, Matt's going to be here in like 20 minutes and we are going to run errands so it's not really practical to do much else right now.

But then again, today I got three pretty cool pieces of information. One friend told me the gender of her baby. Another friend told me that she is going to have a baby. And another friend just a few moments ago had her baby. Prior to getting pregnant this information would have meant about 10% of what it means to me today because I just couldn't relate. Now I am filled with joy with this information and am so excited to get to share this chapter of my life with so many friends. I don't take this experience for granted because I know what a blessing from God this is, and I also know there's a lot of people that I know personally that would trade places with me in a heartbeat and I think about them every day.

I just need to perk up. I think I am going to pour myself into Christmas this year and just maximize all the happiness that I can. So if you're some sort of Grinch you should probably stay away from me and not rob me of my Christmas happiness because I will unapologetically defriend your grouchy butt.

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