Nostalgia

I'm am just about the most ridiculously nostalgic person you'll meet. I really like to internally savor a moment. Every special moment. I've never left an apartment or a job with out taking that one last look, filing away the end of an era.

I'm that person who saves old IDs and movie ticket stubs.

Yesterday I turned in my last final at Oklahoma State University. I could have cried. I didn't, but I could have. Most people sigh in relief, I do a flash back of all the wonderful moments I have enjoyed at this fantastic university.

Now that my life is going to take a dramatic change in a little over 5 months, I suffer from excessive preservation of every potential situation that I will no longer have after I become half of a whole.

I'm having a really hard time with my name changing. People ask why I don't just keep it. Well...Matt told me to "commit already". It's more than that though. As much as I would love to keep my name forever, firmly identifying myself with my past, my ancestry, and the foundation of who I am as a person, this is something that I do believe is part of creating a new family. That doesn't mean that it isn't hard. For those of you who know my last name, well, it's a cool name. At least I think so.
Every time I sign my name, I briefly think, "Oh wow, I'll only do this a handful more times."

And the holidays....oh the holidays. In reality, I think I might be more into Christmas than my family or his family is. I must have had 1 super awesome Christmas as a child, and I have since defined the rest of my Christmas's needing to live up to that par. Or, maybe I watched too many Christmas movies as a child. I've always found Christmas to be a magical time. A time for generosity and kindness and love and family. A time to forget all the wrong doings and just love like crazy. The idea of ever not spending a Christmas morning with my family just blows me away. It doesn't sit right with me. You might think that's a little ridiculous, and you would be right. It's irrational, but it's the truth. I'm sincerely hoping that at least for the first Christmas as a wedded couple, I can get both sets of families to come to us in Midland and I'll just go overboard and everyone else can just relax and show up. We'll see how that works out.

I'm also having trouble with my age. Obviously I'm not old, but I'm afraid that when I am old, I will say that being 24 was the most amazing time in my life. I need to savor every moment! I need to appreciate every second that the good Lord blesses me with. It's also hard to savor moments, because in our society, it seems no matter how accomplished one is, they should always be ambitious, striving to reach the next level, instead of taking time to say Praise the Lord, I accomplished something that so few people on this earth will do.

While we're talking about appreciation, sometimes I think about what I want to achieve and where I am with my goals and sometimes I get down. What helps me is to think about how truly blessed that I am. Think about your position in life on a global scale. You'll have to do a little research for these numbers, but if you look at the amount of people who are illiterate, you will probably be astounded. So readers of this blog, you are a blessed elite. If you have a high school education think about where that puts you among the world's educated? A college degree? Holy Cow! Even if you're living under the poverty rate in the United States, you could be a King in some countries. I just read on a government website that the United States poverty line for a single person is under $10,830. Do you realize what that kind of money could do for people around the world? That is the level we assign to our nation's poorest people. Granted, in the United States, that might not go far, but on a global scale, KINGS.

So amongst all these changes, the purpose of this post is to say that I appreciate what is going on and the major shifts occurring in my life right now. If you're reading this blog and I actually know you, there's a very high chance that I have thought about how my upcoming marriage and move will affect our relationship. Marriage makes people conduct themselves differently. Well here's my promise, my name may change, but I'll always be the Shanna that you know.

Posted in: Being Engaged,Reflections