A Toast to my Grandy

On Thursday I woke up and said to myself, today is going to be a great day. I had gotten the best night of sleep I had had in a while and I am really learning to cherish good sleep. I even thought, today would be a great day to have a baby. Today is just going to be nice and I am looking forward to it. I had no idea how wrong I was.

Matt came in and laid down next to me and with his softest voice said "Honey, your Grandy passed away last night." My mom had sent him a message over night so he could tell me and I wouldn't find out on Facebook. That would have been horrific.
My mom had just returned from Reno where she went to be with my Grandy for heart valve repair. She came through the surgery great and several times it was noted what great health she was in. She had been home a couple of days and doing well and suddenly she went into cardiac arrest and passed away. It's just one of those terrible things that happens in life.

If I only had one word to describe my Grandy, I think I would choose: "English."
My Grandy was born and grew up in England. She married my grandpa when he was in the Airforce. They spent time in the states when my mom was young (she has two older brothers) and they all went to high school in England while my grandpa was stationed there. They came back to the states and my Grandy for as long as I have known her has lived in Reno, Nevada.
I was her only granddaughter. I have three male cousins (and of course there is Joe), but I am the only girl. We had a special relationship. When I was growing up she would send us these boxes of stuff. It was the most random box of stuff but it was always the absolute best day when one would come in. I think she worked at a gift shop for a while and would send us stuff from there. One time she sent us one of these:

I thought it was absolutely fascinating. I probably took it to show and tell 6 times that year. 

I can't find the most recent picture of us, but it is from my college graduation when she and my step-grandpa Don came down to celebrate my achievement. In the last several months we have spent a lot of time on the phone together. I was going to Stillwater every week for a while to do research and I would call Grandy on my way home and we would visit for about 45 minutes. She was really excited about Cline and it breaks my heart that all four generations of the women in our family will not be alive at the same time. 

It also breaks my heart that I am unable to attend her services because my doctor says (and has been saying for 2 weeks) that this baby could be born any minute. So in between my tears on Thursday I helped my mom book her ticket back to Reno to be there with her brothers (and my aunt and cousins and step-grandpa) for the services. Knowing my baby is coming is the single thing that could keep me from being there. It's hard to know that I wont be there the day of the services to hold my mom's hand while she experiences one of the more difficult things that life has to offer. 

I still wanted to celebrate my Grandy. I wanted to reflect on her memory. I told you that if I described her in one word, it would be English. I should note that she still, after over 30 years living in the States, very much had her accent the day she passed. So what is a girl to do that can't do very much? 

I cooked. 

First, I made lemon blueberry scones. I have never made scones but it turns out they are really simple and have much less sugar compared to something like a cookie. I also had tea, specifically the Earl Grey tea my Grandy had sent me when my mom had told her that I tend to have Earl Grey tea in the afternoon when I am working. So I had my treat and sipped my tea. I turned everything off and just thought about my Grandy and how much I am going to miss her. 

And then I made a roast and Yorkshire Puddings. I have never made them in my life but I have eaten them lots of times when my mom makes them. Yorkshire puddings are a sort of roll that you pour gravy into. My mom makes them in muffin pans, but Betty Crocker said to make them in a big square and since this is new territory I went with the woman. So if you're in my family and saying this doesn't look right, I did the best I could. And the macaroni was a convenience thing--nothing British about it. Matt and I had dinner and we said a prayer asking God to be with my family during this difficult time, and they may find strength in all being there together. 

Then I took the left over roast and made a sort of pot pie with a pie dough I had in the freezer (recommended by the Pioneer Woman). I made a freezer meal for after the baby is here. The entire recipe is completely made up based on ingredients I had on hand so it will either turn out great or horrible. I took the remaining pie crust and did what my mom always did when I was a little girl. I spread it out really thin and put a very thin layer of butter and then sprinkled a cinnamon and sugar mixture over the top and put it in the oven. It tasted like my childhood. 

There's really no moral to the story. No light at the end of the tunnel. It's just really sad. I feel good knowing that the last time I talked to her we talked for quite a while and she told me I had a good outlook on life when discussing a few issues. The last words she said to me were that she loved me and I said the same to her.

My hope is that my mom can grow closer to her brothers while they are all together and lean on each other for support. I know my Grandy knows why I can't be there. Because of her I will always be an etiquette guru. I hope to instill that in my daughter. Not long ago my Grandy told me that my mom had told her about my blog and then she read the entire thing. As of today, that's 234 posts, so by then it was probably more like 225. Holy Moly. 

So Grandy if you're reading this, I love you. I am going to miss you so much. Thank you for all the treasures you made and sent for Cline, they will go in her hope chest. Bysie Bye. 

Posted in: