My Sunday: A Two Part Story Part 1: Planters

I've touched on here and there about how I really try not to work on Sundays. During the last semester I'll say I did an okay job with maintaining that rule. During the last few weeks of school I realized that not working on Sundays (or at least for an entire day which was solely dedicated to family and brain resting) was about expressing faith.  I knew that if God called me to do something and I did it, I wasn't going to turn out worse off because of it. I practiced this during my thesis at OSU and as He was my support as He always is. Well once again this semester, despite taking off at least one entire day each week did not put me in harm of my academic progress.

Now that I'm home for the summer it will indeed be easier to be even more mindful of that commitment because honestly, despite work I have to do, overall I have less on my plate.  What I need  to do with this grace period of time it to develop more firm habits and continue them through the actual school year without deviation.

On a day of rest, I really consider that to be a time that you do what you enjoy doing, and spend time with your family, or increase your fellowship with friends. Just investing in the things that at the end of the day are the only things that matter.

So on Sunday we came home from Danielle's birthday party and I had a task I wanted to work on. Putting myself into tasks is awesome therapy for me. Which is probably why when I bake I make like 47 things. I had this epiphany on Saturday.

I was thinking about how much I liked bouquets of flowers inside. Then I thought about how I didn't really like paying for them. Then I thought about how well my garden was doing, so maybe some flowers would do well too. Why not, right?

I started thinking of a simple way to do this without, again, being very costly. When I was younger, my dad kept all of his vinyl records in a banana crate much like below. I started to think that could be a pretty cool planter because I could move it around. I wondered if produce was still shipped in crates. So I decided to call the local Sprouts because they seem hippie enough that they might buy things that would come in crates (there's really no scientific or even observational logic to this- it's like I am prejudice when it comes to grocery stores).   Matt thought I was silly but my thought was that a phone call was free, and all they could do was so no, right? So I call up the produce department at Sprouts. And ya know what? They get their corn shipments in wooden crates. Score!!

 The woman I spoke to was really nice and she said I could come get them and they were.... Free.

We went to Lowe's to pick up some seeds, potting soil, and burlap (so the soil wouldn't run through). So I lined the crates with the burlap and used an enormous stapler (staple gun?) to get it all to stay in place. It was like wrapping an inside out present. 

Not all crates were created equally, so I had to use nails to reinforce them. I cannot imagine Matt was particularly thrilled about me going through his toolbox. I don't like for people to go through my  things so I would have been a nervous wreck. I guess since I left him alone to watch golf he was happy. 

Several different kinds of flowers including annuals and perennials. I was a little curious which would do better. I am also curious if the perennials will come back next year (I mean, that's what they're supposed to do, but I'm not sure if my design is good enough for their success).

So I started with some potting soil. 

Then I added some of MY compost. It's still doing really well. Thanks for asking! I feel like I need to use it for as many projects as possible so it frees up room in the composter. Something tells me that Matt isn't going to let me buy a second one. 

So this is how they look. I think they're pretty cute. And minimally invasive in terms of yard space. If they work out I'll be REALLY pleased. Of course, I'll let you know. Or I'll promise to and forget about it.

My parents were coming over and I really wanted to make them a nice salad from our garden. I harvested the romaine lettuce (back left) and one of the head lettuces (back right). I still can't believe we grew this ourselves. 

Here's a close up of the head lettuce. 

And we even had a couple of strawberries! A couple. 2. 

I cleaned up the vegetables and then set aside the not so great parts to go in the composter. 

I don't know if I have shown you this or not, but this is an under the sink compost pale that we have. You can find several options here on Amazon. The bag is a compostable bag that I got a conference (a pack I think comes with 24). It helps keep the whole thing more sanitary. They really do compost well too!

Throughout the week I just add things and when it is full I throw the whole thing in the composter. And no, it doesn't smell bad. If you go to school for a couple of weeks and leave it under the sink it might smell bad. And might start composting under the sink (nature, folks). And then your husband might find it. And then he might be really irritated. And then in his rage rearrange the stuff in your room with strength fueled by fury. Then it might turn out that you like the new set up any way. 

This project was a really fun way to spend the day. I like investing in my home and I liked working outside and just listening to music working on a project. Sounds like a wonderful Sunday, right? 

To be continued....

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The Thing About Nothing

Home. Home Sweet Home. I'm finally here!
What a semester! Whew! So glad it's over. I have never worked so hard throughout (and at the end of) a semester in my life. Grades turned out really well too. Except a B+ from a crazy person. Seriously. I don't like to make excuses for my grades, I hate excuses all together. All I am saying is that perhaps I would have gotten an A++ because I find the subject extremely interesting (Public Budgeting) if my teacher didn't have so much disdain for his students. For example, he would continually respond to my emails by calling me "Sheena" even though my name was all over them. But that's not really a big deal, right? I mean, he could just be senile, right? People get that way when they're 104 years old and still teaching, right? Well what about when he yelled at the girl who was nearly deaf that if she spoke in class again he would ask her to leave. She explained that she was asking her friend to repeat what he (the professor) had said because she was hard of hearing. To which the professor replied, well then your friend can leave too. Cray cray. These were common occurrences in this course. So basically I knew from class 2 what my grade was going to be and I have had time to cope. I sound like it, right?

Any way, all is well that ends (moderately) well and I am ready for an awesome summer. I haven't said much about it, but as of Friday I'll have a second Master's degree. I haven't made a big deal out of it, and I am not walking at graduation, even though I worked just as hard (actually probably harder) for this one that I did for the first one. I guess I figure that I had enormous life events happen just 2 years ago (can you believe it has been 2 years?!?) with graduation and the wedding all within 2 weeks of each other.  It feels a little gluttonous to try to get people excited about something else. But rest assured, this girl is totally celebrating in a very big way when I finally graduate with the PhD (Lord willing).

But now it is time to celebrate the summer.  I still have many projects for school to work on this summer, but without the pressure of deadlines. I am also teaching a course again this summer online (technology really is amazing).  I resolved a few weeks ago that I as soon as I got home I was going to take a few days off from school and just regroup and try to put the rest of my life back together. And to readjust to being home. Like, pulling clothes out of a drawer rather than a suit case. Yesterday on Facebook I proclaimed that I was going to do NOTHING.  I did a great job. I did my part to clear off some of the DVR.  I read something that I actually wanted to read. I laid out on top of the hot tub and tanned.  I unloaded a whole 2 boxes out of my car. I went to Sprouts and grocery shopped which was more fun than a chore because I was curious. Then my dear friend Anna texts me:
-Are you in town?
-Come with me to the Thunder game tonight! My treat!
-Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!? We can celebrate your being done with class!
-And you have plenty of time to get ready because it doesn't start until 8:30

I think she was getting anxious because I left my phone in the house when I was laying out. Of course I said yes! She got some AWESOME tickets from someone at work who was a very generous soul.  I had a great time catching up with her and watching the game. It was SOO close! And if you were watching the game last night, I totally called that Randolph guy from the Grizzlies missing those free throws.

We sat next to a girl who told us she had just had her last round of intense chemotherapy. She had a wonderful attitude. My heart breaks for her, and my prayer is that it really is the end of the treatments for her, so she can go on and have a long and wonderfully happy and healthy life.

Today I decided to channel my inner hippie.  I went out to the garden because I wanted to make a salad from our home grown goodness. Here's an update on how things are going.

This is plot 1. Check out that head lettuce! It really is making heads of lettuce with leaves that fold upon each other. I don't know what I expected (maybe that the bugs would try to eat them before it got to that point) but it's awesome!

We have very tiny strawberries growing. I ate one the other day. Tasted like a strawberry!

This is Plot 2. We have artichoke on the right growing really well, but still no artichokes. Then Kale in the middle. Then broccoli on the left. 

Now our broccoli looks more like something you put in a vase than something you eat. This is problematic. So I've spent part of the morning watching YouTube videos on how and when to harvest each type of vegetable we have. It turns out we let our broccoli go tooooo far. So I cut off the tops and they'll grow again. I stuck them in the composter so they can be part of future gardening projects. Circle of life folks. Circle of life. 

This is Plot 3. My pride and joy! My experimental plot. You may remember me describing this when we first put the garden in. I used my own compost and we planted everything from seeds (except Matt's tomato plant). I wasn't sure that this was going to succeed because well, I had no idea what the true nutrient content was of my compost like I did with the store bought stuff. I also worried about growing from seeds. But look! It's doing great! We have spinach, lettuce (not sure which variety), squash, zuchinni, and egg plant on the right. We also have some random stuff growing that we forgot to mark when we planted it, so it will have to be a surprise. 

I went through and grabbed as much as I needed of each thing. I forgot to mention the green onions too. I also cut off the roots of the green onions (not the entire bulb, just the entire root plus a tiny portion of the bulb) and replanted them in my experimental plot. Don't tell Matt though because he probably thinks that's a goofy idea. You might think that too. But what if it's a genius idea??

Because I am clever I have decided to make planters out of my "planters" nut cans. I tried this once and it didn't work out, but I think it is because I didn't have holes in the bottom and the water can't percolate out and you don't want your seeds water logged.  So I rummaged through Matt's tool box (don't tell him that either) and jabbed some holes with a screw driver (free therapy!). I used my compost again and planted some dill and Swiss chard (which will have to be transplanted if it takes off). This is upcycling if I have ever seen it, folks! Assuming that this works. 

So I came in with my veggies and sprayed it all down really good with some fruit and vegetable wash which gets all of the bad stuff off. Although, when it comes from the garden and we don't use pesticides or anything (or not as far as Matt tells me) water would probably do just fine. I also use this stuff when I get things from the grocery store. It cost about $3 at whole foods.  And while we're on the topic, I've started to steer away from using those plastic bags for produce.  I have some reusable ones that I use when I remember to bring them in (I have many fewer produce bags than the actual grocery bags). I've decided that while it may seem less sanitary to set the produce itself in the basket and on the conveyor belt at check out, in reality it can't be much different than having a bunch of hands on your food anyway. I just make a practice of thoroughly washing everything when I get home and I save myself having to recycle those bags, and I save the planet in the process. The check out clerks don't seem to mind either. Not that that would bother me. 

Here's a bowl of our salad for tonight! Shown is 100% from our garden. I am going to add some carrots and strawberries that I got at the store, but this looks great! Considering the number of inputs we have made to this garden already, this may be the most expensive salad I will ever eat. However, I'm hoping those costs drastically improve over time and we will have great fresh produce for years to come.

I am going to pair it with Seared Ahi Tuna which I Googled how to make today. It was on sale at Sprouts so I decided to go for it.

Going to continue my relaxation days with more reading, maybe drink some wine, hang out with the boys, and watch some Modern Family.

My version of "nothing" is really "lots of things" but filled with things that I prefer to do. But truth be told, I like to keep busy.

Tomorrow I may even be inspired to leave my house and pick up some items for our Italy trip and a gift for Danielle's birthday. Look forward to many more posts this summer!

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18,478 Hello Finals.

18,478. Minutes? Midnight? Cups of Coffee? Miles? No this isn't a "Rent" song.... but now that I think about it, it feels strangely appropriate.

18,478 is the number of words that I have submitted in the last week and a half. That includes a research proposal (1,530), discussion questions for my Congress class (453), 1st Question of Final for Congress (1,700), 2nd Question for Final for Congress (1,781), Public Budgeting Term Paper (5,947), and my second year paper (7,068). 9,428 of those I submitted today.

I don't really like to complain about school because 1) If you look at Facebook, it's become a cliche, and I hate cliches 2) The majority of the time, my job (and yes this is my job- which I determine by the fact that I work much more than 40 hours a week, and I also get paid a salary) is actually pretty great. I set my own hours for the most part, I get to turn my ideas into potential pieces of (hopefully) valuable literature, I like to learn, I like to teach, and I get to meet a lot of really interesting people and 3) Complaining makes me feel really ungrateful because at the end of the day I am ridiculously blessed for this experience.

So I am not going to complain. This is more of a "State of My World".

Siva and I have decided to go nocturnal. Which means that we are now working late in the lab and sleeping during the early hours, contrary to the school year when I typically get up early. I think he's actually been going nocturnal for years, so it's more like I am joining him.  If you can get yourself to get past the sleepiness of the first few nights, working up here at night is awesome. No one is here! (Which is also sort of creepy). No distractions. Just one goal: produce papers like crazy.

This semester I have been going like a crazy person. I decided to take 12 hours instead of the typical 9 for graduate students because I want to finish my course-work early so I can quit driving to Lubbock. That was all good and well when I enrolled. Finals week is proving to be a little more trying. I've organized myself out day to day and as long as I stay on track I should be fine. Probably a few new wrinkles, but fine.

Now, to be fair, I have had my game face on, but it hasn't been all work and no play.  Last week I went to hang out with Kristina and her boys (which gives me baby fever. It would be helpful if they weren't so darn cute!). We drank wine and visited for a while and it was really nice. She some how has her kids go to bed at 7:30. I don't know how she does it, but when I do have kids I totally want her secret! They were total sports about it too! A-mazing.
Matt came down to Lubbock this weekend and brought my sweet dog and we had some family time. We went out to the Llano Estacado winery with my roommate Lauren and called it a chill weekend over all. It's really refreshing to see my boys, and helps me to propel through the rest of the semester.

Yesterday I spent 14 hours in the lab. I got so much work done though and I am on track for a good semester (I hope!). I promise my blog will get better over the summer and there are lots of exciting things to post about. I am looking forward to a great break, one step at a time. I suppose I'll start paying attention in class now. This guy kills me.

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Spring Break

I used to write in a journal regularly. I have probably 6-8 journals across my life at times being more motivated to write than others (sort of like my blogs, haha!). I had one of my journals at a trailor home that I was living in that my parents owned. This property flooded, and one of my journals drowned. It was extremely disappointed because journals take a long time. I still like to journal now and then, but often times I feel like my blog is sort of my online journal and it's nice to go back through from time to time to see how my perspectives have changed or how much fun I was having at the time. And you can't drown a blog.

So here's what I would journal about spring break. This will also result in few hand cramps =)


I traveled home on Thursday (perhaps skipped a class...) and listened to Jillian Michaels and David Ramsey podcasts counting down the miles until I was home. I'm not really the type to get homesick, but I was certainly sick of not being at home. Pistol was pretty stoked when I got home. He really knows how to make a girl feel welcome. I always imagine him thinking "Is it really you!???!??!?" and then he gives me lots of kisses and makes me play fetch, but he never actually gives me the toy. Makes me work for it.
That night Matt and I went to see Identify Thief. Pretty cute. Perhaps worth waiting for the rental.

Friday morning I went to Stillwater to get my hair cut. My poor hair stylist, I have to make her crazy because I always go wayyyyyyyyy too long before getting my hair cut. I also felt all together un-put-together in general. I was pale. I had crazy eye brows. My hair was nuts. My nails were shameful. So Donella got me all fixed up in the hair department and then I went to have lunch with my little brother. Then I worked in the OSU library. I felt like home!

On Saturday I went to Alpha Delta Pi State Day in Stillwater. It was a nice event. Meanwhile, Matt and Joe went to the Kansas State basketball game. We then ate and headed home. We went to dinner at Urban Wine Works in the artsy area of OKC (or at least that's what I call it) with Na'Cole and Jordan. We had a really nice visit and worked out some bridesmaidsy stuff for Heather's wedding.

On Sunday we went with Matt's mom and dad to a Thunder game! They played the Celtics and won! It was a really nice time and Lisa scored some impressive seats!

At some point Matt and I finally picked up a couple of items to fill this blank space on our wall that has been making me crazy since we moved in. We worked while watching Teen Mom 2. Don't judge us.

 It appears that I forgot to take an "after" picture.

Our good friend Matt came over on Sunday  night and had dinner with us. It was so nice to catch up with him! We are happy to have him in the city even if he works 160 hours a week.

 I went back to Stillwater to work on Monday and had lunch with Joe. He was very proud of the set up the Delts put together for Zeta Olympics. That's their flag raised the highest. Woooo.


On Tuesday I went to go see my best friend, Danielle back at home. She has a new place so I got to check it out. Sooo much space that house has! I'm really happy for her. We had a nice day with lunch, shopping, and overall catching up. I also got to hang out with her little girl who lights up my world!

My mom and I had a nice evening and got our nails done and had dinner.

On Wednesday I did a little work. Very little work.
Then Danielle and Kyle came over for dinner and a nice visit. I branched away from pinterest and actually made something out of a cook book that I got as a wedding present (Thanks Brandi and Rusty!). It turned out pretty well. The company was also really nice.

Thursday I had dinner with a few Adeepi's at The Mule in the same downtown OKC artsy area where Urban Wine Works is. It was a neat restaurant with good food, and again, great company. I did almost cause a ridiculous scene when I tried to parallel park in the street in a very awkward situation. I had to abort the mission to park a million miles away.

Then Meredith came over and we had drinks and planned out Lucy's upcoming baby shower. Well, we 10% planned, 90% caught up. Meredith probably doesn't know that she's one of my most favorite people. I always have a really good time when we hang out. AND Lucy's shower is going to be awesome. Super excited. I'm still trying to get Lucy to name her daughter Shanna, Octavia, or Eugenia (10 bonus points if you  know why those names are significant).

On Friday Matt was off so we started the garden project from crazy town.. It was fun though.

I also had a pinterest win! I don't always have pinterest wins, but this little macaroni mini pie was deeeeeeeeeeeeeelish. Find it here. This has to be the least healthy thing I have ever cooked, but my goodness, if the end is near I want to go out eating this every day. Matt also really liked them a lot too, so that was a plus. Typically he'll eat the things I make out of politeness, but I can usually tell if he would prefer that it's not a repeat event.

So we worked all day Friday and most of Saturday. Then we capped off Saturday with some wine-a-ritas and played the Modern Family board game that I bought brand new at Goodwill! We're a little obsessed with Modern Family.

We finished up our garden project on Sunday and then we went to a hot tub show "just to look". Then we impulse bought a hot tub.....

Post to come on our back yard make over!

Overall, I feel much better after having spring break. I got to see so many people including both sets of parents. I spent quality time with Matt and Pistol. I got myself put together. No longer pale, ugly nails, split ends, and I got several days of good work out! It all went by too fast, but I'm still grateful for the time.

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The Garden of Good and Crazy

 

This week has been spring break and boy did I need it. If you saw my post last week and that was a testament from a woman who needed to go home and have some away from school time. I'm going to do a separate post on spring break, so I'll skip to this past weekend.

 

 

Matt's job has this cool schedule where he works 9 hour days so he gets every other Friday off. We typically plan something or other during this time, may it be a project or a trip, even smaller trips like seeing our parents. Or a home and garden show. His Fridays off are typically Matt and Shanna days. We kicked around the idea of going to Fredericksburg, Texas like we did last year and tour the wineries. Well we got a late start on planning and there weren't many options in the cabin department left. Then we thought about going to Eureka Springs, Arkansas but the idea of traveling all day on Sunday to get home and then all day on Monday to get back to school wasn't that appealing. So we decided to take the money we would have spent on a trip (and the time) and use it towards building our garden because we enjoyed it so much in Midland.

 

I love gardening. I think it's really fun, and a life skill that is important to have. I'm also concerned about climate change and I don't necessarily think the world is going to end (at least I hope not) but it isn't unreasonable to think that food costs could drastically increase due to changing climate (and increasing populations) so it couldn't hurt to save some costs by having a garden. Eventually I want to do a "Grocery vs. Garden" cost post. I am pretty confident that the actual plant cost will be less than I'll spend on vegetables this summer. And in about a hundred years we will probably be able to cover the costs of the garden plots.

 

So Friday we went outside and started thinking about our plan. I had a picture in my  head, but no idea how to execute it. We also wanted to build for the purpose of cost consideration, longevity, and aesthetics. Obtaining all three of these is not easy. So we made our plan and headed to Lowe's. 

 

 

 

 

Too much. That's how much it cost.

So this is the before. This is the side of our yard. We have lots of slopes and strange things that break up our yard. This section also gets the most sun light. This is also the section where we would ever put a pool. I suppose I wont be getting a pool.

Matt designed 3 plots. We bought cedar wood because it is rot resistant. It smells really  nice too (priorities). These suckers are also really heavy. Matt had to do all kinds of wizardry to get these level because our yard is strangely sloped. I am glad I married an engineer because I would have just left 'em. Honestly, I probably would have just dug some holes in the ground and then put some pavers around it, added a little top soil (who am I kidding? I probably would have bought like 10 bags of miracle grow not knowing what I was going).

Then we lined them with landscape fabric to prevent the weeds and grass from growing through. This was my job. It was like wrapping an inverted present. Matt likes to check over my handiwork. Apparently I don't use enough staples.

While Matt cut all of the wood Pistol and I would supervise. Pistol is a master supervisor.

The last person who owned our house had a bunch of pea gravel along one strip behind the house. We have been very curious as to what on earth to do with it because it's hard to walk on and you can't put any furniture on it. We had an estimate done to have them remove it and put in concrete. That wasn't in the budget. So, I had the idea to put some of it at the bottom of our garden plots to allow for drainage in the garden. I learned a thing or two in my plant and soil science class back at OSU. I hope. So we put in a layer at the bottom. Then we covered it with top soil. A lot of top soil.

Then we tilled in 1 bag of compost for two of the plots. It smelled really bad. Like fish or something. Something bad. Oh.... and you might ask: Shanna, why are you wearing sweats?? Wasn't it nice this weekend? Oh, it was extremely nice Friday and Saturday. But Sunday. Sunday was a dreary no good for working in the garden day. Had to finish the job though! Also I'd like you to take note of my pink John Deere working gloves. My dad bought them for me. Perhaps out of shock that I wanted working gloves. Dad, if you're reading this, this project was NOT the first time I have worn them (maybe 1 of 5).


Now let's talk about compost. If you want to read about some of my initial composting you can read about it here. I love composting. I take the discarded vegetables from cooking or juicing and I put them in a little bin under my sink. A lady at the sustainability conference that I went to in L.A. back in October gave me a whole box of the composting bags that line the bin instead of the 2 or 3 they gave to passers by. Then I take the bag out to the composter and Matt also puts yard waste out there. We left our last composter at the other house because I believe there was "no way in hell" we were moving a bin of dirt to Oklahoma. I mailed the new homeowners a pamphlet on how it worked and why it was an asset. I hope they kept it. Any way, the new composter is cooler because it turns with a lever and our last one didn't. I had to hand turn it with a rake standing on top of a bench and it was really a mess at the last house. Also, there's actually humidity in Oklahoma and water is essential for the organic breakdown process to work. All I did in Midland was essentially petrify a bunch of bread and vegetables. I would water it weekly, but it wasn't really working. But I was diverting material from the landfill!

Okay, so here's what it looks like in the composter. This is about 7 months of materials. On the left you can see one of my green composting bags and eventually it will just turn into part of the mix (about a dozen already have!). See how dark it is? That means it's nutrient rich and prime for adding to the garden because it will help my plants grow.

This is what it looks like from a better view. It's behind our garage so I can just walk back there and dump my stuff in. It's literally easier than taking out the trash and it makes me feel like a good little environmentalist. And it's science and I think that's fun.

Here's a bucket full of compost from the composter ready to be added to the garden. I was extremely excited about this because I wasn't sure this project was going to work. I was sort of afraid I was just going to have a barrel of rotting vegetables, and not in a good way. This really didn't smell bad. Is essentially smelled like dirt. It smelled significantly better than the stuff we bought at Lowe's.  I got two bucket fulls for my garden. It wasn't a ton, but it freed up some room in the composter so I could add more things over time, which I was starting to need. This is prime free stuff, folks!

 

This was just 1 bucket full. Now, we have 3 plots. Matt agreed that I could use the third plot as my "experiment" plot. I want to use it to learn. So this is the plot where my compost will be used. I also want to plant seeds in here because it's a little harder to grow plants from seeds than the pre-germinated ones you get at the store. I also want to yield an actual garden, so 2 of the plots are going to come from the more tried and true (by us) methods. But who knows? Maybe this plot will be the best? At the end of the day, I'll at least learn things first hand from this plot. What works, what doesn't.

 

 

 This is what the final product looks like. It looks sort of simple for how much work we put into it. We did every piece ourselves, including cutting all of the wood down. It also has potential for some decoration in the future. Sometime after I forget how much work this took. We have lots of lettuces planted, strawberries, onions, kale, and artichoke. When it gets a little warmer we will plant cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots, and surely several other things. If you come see us this summer we'll cook you dinner with lots of home grown goodness.

If I could get Matt to let me put a chicken in the back yard we would really be in business!

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The Guilt

I have a feeling that you think I am going to reveal some big scandal based on the title. So, if that's what you're looking for I am going to save you some time and let you  know that I have no scandal to reveal. I try to be cautious about the things I put out on the internet because a lot of people air waaaay too much personal business and I try to stay away from such things (plus, I'm sincerely too boring for a scandal). To each his own, I suppose. But I am going to be a little more personal than I typically am on my blog, so here's a little window to my world if you're still reading after I told you that I had no scandal to report.

I have been up since 6:30 this morning after I sprung (sprang?) out of bed because I lectured an 8:00 a.m. class this morning. I showered and washed and dried my hair last night because I knew there was no way I was getting up at 6:00 to do it this morning (if you have long hair, you know what I mean). I was excited to teach because we were going to cover climate change and I think it's a fun topic to discuss despite how much anxiety it gives me because it's controversial and I always imagine  a rather argumentative student getting up mid lecture and throwing their book and yelling "You stupid liberal hippie!" and storming out to go tell the dean I should be fired. I mean, I teach in West Texas, so I can't completely rule the scenario out. But anyway, my point is that I've been up since early this morning and I went to bed rather late after wrapping up my lecture that I had to submit this morning. I've turned in my assignments this week, and it seems like this entire semester I have had a deadline every other day. I am taking 12 hours this semester (9 is the norm) and I have a TA assignment which I really enjoy, but it can be quite time consuming as I attend class and I do all of the grading (and lecture from time to time).

So the guilt. I feel very guilty that I am writing my blog right now. I have 2 hours until class and I need to do a little reading before then, but I'm okay on time. Today I lectured, turned in a 15 pg term paper (found out I got a 100% on my presentation of that term paper), turned in a research proposal, and turned in class discussion questions. I felt guilty that I blogged yesterday during a spout of writers block (for school) and I could have been I don't know doing something else for school. Pretty much any time that I do anything outside of school I feel a certain level of guilt. Especially if it is fun.

I feel guilty if I work on Sundays. I've blogged about it before. I feel like if God creates an entire commandment about something, He obviously thinks it's important so I should follow His rules. I really try not to work on Sundays, but from time to time I do because I have a looming deadline. And I feel guilty every time. Last Sunday, I worked for about 5 hours. Then I went to a movie with friends (Jack and the Giant Killer, 3D- IMAX if you're curious). I love going with Siva to American experiences (they have movies in India) and the IMAX was new for him. I also just really enjoy spending time with him because he is a really cool guy and a great friend. I felt really guilty going to the movie (no, there's no scandal, Matt knew all about it). I felt guilty that I wasn't working on a project for school. I felt guilty for having fun.

I feel guilty for going to school at all. I have done 2 three-week stints in Lubbock this semester. I hate it, not because I hate Lubbock, but because I want to go home. To my home (although I am unbelievably blessed with the roommate situation I have here in Lubbock). I want to spend every evening with my husband. I want to hang out with my dog. I want to sleep in my bed.  I want to cook regularly in my kitchen. Because of the pursuit of my career dreams, I am spending much of my newlywed years away from home. Now, if this were a problem in my marriage, I surely would not be blogging about it. I am soooo blessed with a husband who values my dreams as I do. Before we moved to Oklahoma we had a big long talk about how we were going to make the travel work. We see the end goal, and thank goodness, the end is right around the corner. But I still feel guilty because I'm so determined about the accomplishments I am going to achieve. I'm also hard headed and don't ever quit anything. If I did quit I would feel guilty. I would never be able to look at my parents and tell them that the woman they raised me to be quit just before the finish line. They have big dreams for my future and I could never let them down.

So as you can see, I'm going through a struggle and I'm fairly certain that this is a season of life.  It's just strange that I literally spend 90% of my day focused on goals and meeting deadlines, and trying to be thoughtful and a good wife, daughter, sister, and friend. Somehow I still feel pretty guilty because no matter my action I feel like I'm letting someone or something down.

I've also thought that maybe I just need to get off of my own back. Maybe I can spend 30 minutes writing a blog post, and perhaps sharing what I have learned will have a greater impact than any term paper that I could write. Maybe my inputs are all wrong. When I get especially stressed, I listen to "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North and that typically helps. I really don't have a take home message.  Maybe if you're going through what I'm going through we should just both chill out because we're going to spend the best part of our twenties growing wrinkles instead of memories.

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The Everlasting Apple

How old would you say this apple is? It looks pretty normal. It feels pretty normal when you pick it up. No discoloration. Looks pretty good. No reason not to eat it, right?

Well this apple has been sitting in my office refrigerator since before Christmas break. So 3+ months. Gross.

Matt and I signed up for Netflix and intended to cancel it after the free 3-month trial. Of course that hasn't happened yet because there's just so much interesting stuff on there. I am a total documentary junkie. I especially like documentaries on food and farming. I've also been reading some books on farming. If you have any interest, I really liked the book "Farm City." It's about a woman who lives in the ghetto of Oakland, California and she created her own little farm using an open plot of land next to her apartment. The book is really entertaining and funny, and it also makes you realize how much effort goes into producing food. It makes it painfully clear that what we pay at the grocery store is grossly under priced if we actually think about the inputs of producing quality food. 

So the reason why I think it's gross that this apple is perfectly fine after 3+ months is what the heck type of stuff is put into or on this during its growth to make it last this long?? Our food is supposed to decay. What is all of the processed food doing to our digestive system if it doesn't naturally break down? What are we so willingly putting into our bodies? This is produce for crying out loud! This should be the ideal food to put in our bodies. If this isn't breaking down, what can be said for all of the boxed meals that we put into bodies? What about cheaply made convenience foods?

 Yesterday morning I watched the documentary "Killer at Large."  It specifically discusses the obesity rates of children and how much sugar and processed food goes into the meals provided by the school systems. What makes matters worse is that the system of payments to the school by the USDA is essentially built around providing nutrient deficient foods to meet calorie requirements. A tator-tot is considered a vegetable. Yes, you read that right. Now, I'm not a parent and so I try to be careful about the things I say I am going to do in terms of parenting until I've walked in those shoes, because something tells me that choices made based on convenience and time are a whole new ball game when you have someone who demands so much of your time. I am especially convinced that this is true because when I am super busy with work, I just eat what ever I can find because there's no time to prepare. Fortunately, I typically stock my work fridge with healthy options so I am forced to eat those items instead of something that may taste better. Essentially, when you're short on time you eat what is available to you.  I can imagine that this is why many of moms spend a lot of time in drive-thrus. 

The more that I read and watch, the more I am convinced that I just need a little farm of my own and should just produce my own food. There are two limitations that come to mind with this. First, I'm a little short on the funds to just go out and buy a farm. Second, I am extremely short on time to facilitate such an endeavor. The concept is awesome, but even with extreme interest, I don't even have time to be writing this blog. Maybe when I am done with this school business, I may have some more time but some how I doubt it. So what is a girl to do? Just put the fate of my health in someone else's hands? Those that are driven by profit rather than health and quality?? In the mean time Matt and I have joined the Oklahoma Food Co-op. Through the co-op we are able to buy foods such as meats and breads (there's 1000s of options) that are all grown or produced in Oklahoma. This reduces the transportation (and thus emissions) of our food which helps our carbon footprint. Matt argues that the per unit emissions may be higher because we are shipping much fewer items than those shipped to grocery stores, so that's up for debate. I guess I could do a study comparing local vs. mass purchased food one day. That day is not today. We also get the benefit of supporting local producers and promoting the local economy. I am also convinced that the items that we purchase are fewer in additives and preservatives and they list the ingredients which tend to be things that I can pronounce which is a plus. I was watching a documentary called "Farmageddon" and someone said that if you can't pronounce the ingredient, you shouldn't eat it. The downside to the co-op is that some items are more expensive, such as a pound of ground beef. It is really difficult to sell a concept when the cost is higher. This is really about prioritizing.  I also try to think about it from the standpoint of the cost of a meal. Eating out typically costs Matt and I around $30. I am convinced that the quality of food served at most sit down restaurants in only a slight step above fast food. I don't really trust anything that tastes exactly the same no matter where in the country you eat it. For example, if I gave you a recipe for my mom's chicken and dumplings, undoubtedly what you make and what I make will taste a little different, even if we follow the same instructions. You may use more water or add more broth. You may use a different brand of flour and your chicken would probably come from a different producer. If I go to Chili's and order the buffalo chicken salad, it's going to taste the same every.single.time. I think this is concerning because for it to taste exactly the same, their food must be pretty prepackaged and all coming from the same place and shipped out and distributed accordingly. Okay, so say that meal at Chili's for the both of us costs around $30. Well I could buy items from the co-op and undoubtedly make a similar meal for less than $30 and probably have left overs so that covers lunch the next day. I also get to stay home and eat and visit with my husband. I could also have a glass of wine with my dinner with a per glass cost of about $3 instead of $7-9. And I get the added health benefits. SO, I'm saving money and my body. I do have to take the time to prepare the meal and have to actually do the dishes myself, but is that really too high of a cost?? Like I said, this is more about priorities. 

Now don't get me wrong. I don't always eat right. Not even close. I love love to go out to eat with Matt or with friends, or to spend time with family we usually go eat some meal that isn't good for us. It's part of our culture, and a part that I enjoy. I just worry about the long term consequences of the concepts our society is built around. Who says that we are entitled to have everything that we eat taste good? Who says that everything we eat should be minimally time consuming? Isn't nourishing ourselves one of the most fundamental things we do as living creatures? Should our input time really be soooo low? Meanwhile I work 12+ hour days in front of a screen to produce papers that may or may not mean something one day. And at what cost? What if I come up with some really great novel concept that changes the way the world views the environment? But then I die at 50 because I was a slave to my work instead of taking care of myself and my family. These are the difficult decisions that we make every day and I'm not sure we are getting it right, myself included. 

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